Sex and pleasure go far beyond penetrative sex. Here's how to rock your partner’s socks off.

Foreplay isn’t optional. It’s not something that you can half-ass for two minutes before rushing into P-in-V or P-in-B sex. Instead, it's something you should take your time with to get both your partner and yourself in the mood—after all, you shouldn’t be feigning excitement or mindlessly going through the motions just for your partner’s sake. Foreplay is something that should turn on everyone involved.

“Without foreplay, [sex] is equivalent to putting a frozen turkey in a 250 degree oven,” explains Taylor Sparks, erotic educator and founder of Organic Loven, one of the largest BIPOC-owned online intimacy shops. “Oh, it will defrost at some point and it will cook within the next 4 or 5 days. But why go that route when you can defrost it and then warm it up the correct way at the correct temperature?”

Honestly, the term "foreplay" is a misnomer because it implies that what comes next—the actual “play” or intercourse—is somehow better. But that’s not the case. Most people with a vulva can’t orgasm through penetration alone. They require clitoral stimulation in order to experience climax, which happens when the external clitoral glans are engaged. The most reliable ways of doing this are not through penetration, but through oral, hand, or toy sex. (That said, it’s important to note that sex is not all about orgasming—it's about pleasure, and there's a difference.)

Foreplay is not the “before” part; think of it as MORE-play. It’s a huge piece of this puzzle that deserves a better reputation than some optional “pre-sex” fun. In fact, penetrative sex doesn't even need to be on the table at all for sex to be sex. Sex is everything involving genitals (or other body parts) that brings someone sexual pleasure. We need to open our minds, people! Prioritizing intercourse is so over.

Now, to get the best foreplay moreplay tips, we spoke to various sex experts. Try one, two, or all of these tips and techniques the next time you start fooling around, and watch some magic happen.

1) Ask your partner what turns them on.

When in doubt, just come right out and ask what your partner likes during sex. “Most [people] appreciate men who want to make sure they’re satisfied,” says Barbara Bartlik, M.D., a professor of psychiatry at Cornell University. “If [they] notice you’re working hard to please them, “[they’ll] be more likely to return the favor.”

Communication is essential for good sex, no matter what kind of sex you’re having. Being open and honest about your turn-ons and inviting your partner to do the same creates an erotic atmosphere that’s both sexy and trusting.